Dealing
with Grief.....
What are the Catholic Funeral Rites and Customs?
"LOCAL
SUPPORT GROUPS"
The Grief Process
God Cares!
Some simple things to do.
Seek Help!
Recommended Reading:
"LOCAL
SUPPORT GROUPS"
TALKING ABOUT DEATH SCRIPTURALLY
Psalm 23:4 (KJV)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I
will fear no evil for thou art with me. |
Protected |
Psalm 89:48-49a (NAB)
Remember how short my life is; how frail you created all the
children of men! What man shall live, and not see death. |
Inevitable |
Psalm 116:15
Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of his faithful
ones. |
Cherished
by God |
John 5:25
I solemnly assure you, an hour is coming, has indeed come, when
the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who
have needed it shall live. |
Transitory |
John 14:1-4
Do not let your heart be troubled. Have faith in God and faith
in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places;
otherwise, how could I have told you that I was going to prepare
a place for you? I am indeed going to prepare a place for you,
and then I shall come back to take you with me, that where I am
you also may be. You know the way that leads where I go. |
Security |
Luke 23:46
Jesus uttered a loud cry and said, "Father, into your hands I
commend my spirit." |
Acceptance |
COMMUNITY BEREAVEMENT
SUPPORT GROUPS
JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF
A mutual self-help bereavement
support group for all widowed held at the Saul Colonial Home, 3795 Nottingham Way, Hamilton Square, 7:30-9PM on
the third Tuesday of each month. For information, call Mary Lou Pizzullo or
Deborah Myslinski at 609-587-7072 or 609-448-6722.
STARTING OVER
A structured, closed ended support
group for widows and widowers under the age of 45, or those with young
children. Pre-registration is required. For information, call Mary Lou
Pizzullo or Deborah Myslinski at 609-587-7072 or 609-448-6722.
BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUP
CARING AND SHARING
A mutual self-help support group for
all bereaved. Held the first Wednesday of the month at the Harold
Scarborough Senior Citizen Center, 483 Dutch Neck Road, East Windsor
from 7-8:30PM. For information, call Mary Lou Pizzullo or Deborah Myslinski
at 609-587-7072 or 609-448-6722.
C.A.N.S.
CHILDREN ADJUSTING TO NEW SITUATIONS
A structured closed ended support group for children and
teens that have experienced the death of a loved one. To register or
request information, please call Mary Lou Pizzullo or Deborah Myslinski at
609-5877072 or 609-448-6722
H.O.P.E.
HELPING OTHER PEOPLE EVOLVE, INC.
A support group for widowed men and
women of all ages. Four 10 week sessions a year held at St. Ann’s R.C.
Church, 1253 Lawrence Road, Lawrenceville on Mondays, 7-8:30PM. For
information and dates, call Sunny Lawrence, 856-234-2200.
SURVIVING AFTER
SUICIDE
A group of suicide survivors
reaching out to bereaved individuals who have lost a family member to
suicide. Meets on the second Wednesday of the month in the Executive Board
Room, ground floor in the Women & Infants Pavilion of RVJ University
Hospital at Hamilton at 7:30PM. For more information or to confirm
attendance, call Jeff Pierfy, Chaplain, at 609-631-6980 or Martha Bogdan at
609-585-8097.
COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
A support group for parents who have
lost a child to death.
Meets on the first Monday of each month in the Occupational Health Center -
BLDG #2 which is located in front of the hospital in a separate bldg.
For information, call chaplain Ed Conley 609-631-6980
- as an alternative you can also call the TCF hotline
at 609-516-8047.
“HEARTS APART”
This group provides grief support
following the death of a baby, including miscarriage, entopic pregnancy,
stillbirth and infant death. For more information or a referral, call
609-584-5100.
UNITE
A support group for all parents
grieving the loss of a child from stillbirth through age one. For
information, contact Capital Health Systems, the Community Outreach
Department at 609-394-4000.
BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT
GROUP – HOLY ANGELS
Presentations and group discussions
for all bereaved. Held second and fourth Tuesday of each month from 7 –
8:30PM at Holy Angels Rectory, 1733 South Broad Street, Trenton. For
information, call Eileen Steight, R.N. at 609-888-0006 or 609-396-8316.
ST. ANTHONY OF PADUA
CHURCH – SUPPORT GROUP
Presentations and sharing for all
bereaved. Held the fourth Tuesday of each month, 8 – 9:30PM at St.
Anthony of Padua Parish Hall, Hightstown. For more information call
Deacon Joseph Hepp at 609-426-0022.
FRIENDS OF THE
SHEPHERD
A bereavement support group for
anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Sharing, caring and
support. Held at St. Gregory the Great parish Center, Hamilton
Square, on the second and fourth Monday of each month, 7:30 – 9PM. For
information, call Deacon Rich D’Angelo at 609-586-8326.
LIVING WITH LOSS
And
LIFE AFTER LOSS
Bereavement support groups open to
all and held in the spring and fall of each year for ten weeks at two
locations. Call Community Hospice at 609-0329 ext.2224.
FAMILY GRIEF
A structured, closed
ended support group for those who have experienced the death of a loved
one. Learning and sharing sessions are for eight consecutive weeks.
Enrollment is limited. To register or request information, call Mary Lou
Pizzullo or Deborah Myslinski at 609-587-7072 or 609-448-6722.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is among
the most difficult, painful experiences of a lifetime. For help, go to the
American Association of Retired Person's Coping with Grief and Loss Web
site.
For online support, visit Death
& Dying Grief Support.
For a directory of support groups around the country, visit Bereavement
Medline web .
The
Grief Process
1. Numbness [Denial]. The
body protects us from what is really happening. The experience does not
seem real. We can go through the motions at the time of loss and sometimes
through the time of the funeral as through we are spectators watching from
a distance. This can be a stage of bargaining as well, telling God we will
do or change anything if the person can be brought back. Over a period of
time, reality is faced. It is important to talk about it , not to keep it
at a distance with frantic activity, pills or alcohol.
2. Anger. May be directed at
the doctor, nurses, ambulance people, anyone who could have saved the
person, at innocent bystanders, God, ourselves, the person who died, the
clergy person or even someone else who has not lost that particular
relative or loved one.
3. Guilt. Guilt is anger
turned toward ourselves. None of us is as kind, sensitive or thoughtful as
we would like to be. We may feel bad about things we have said or done to
hurt the person who has died. Since there is not time for apologies, we
can be left with unfinished business. In the messy business of daily
living, we do the best we can - and thank God for those who love us in our
imperfections. Guilt can extend to our failure to see the future or to
prevent the death. We can say a million times, "If only . . ."
We can even feel guilty when we find ourselves having a good time or
forgetting about our grief for a period of time.
4. Depression. A heavy pall
hanging over everything. In our minds nothing will ever be all right
again. Depression paralyzes us. The simplest and most ordinary jobs become
almost impossible for us to do. Looking forward to tomorrow or anything is
impossible. This is the most difficult and frightening stage. We need to
strive to talk and to keep those who seem to withdraw from us involved in
daily life.
5. Acceptance. The time
emerges when we begin to believe we will make it through. That doesn't
mean things will be the same as they were or that we won't miss the person
any more, but it means things will be all right. We can talk about the
loved one and remember them often, but we go on with life. We can find
that our experience of loss can be very helpful to others facing similar
losses. As we share their grief with them, we can find that contact
healing for us as well.
God
Cares!
God Cares. Sometimes our
feelings about God become involved in the process of grieving. We can
blame Him for what has happened or wonder why he didn't stop it. We may
have come to believe that God punishes us for doing wrong. We may think
someone else besides our loved one would be more deserving of death. Those
who call and come to the funeral home may say things that confuse and
anger us: that the death is God's will, that it is a blessing, that God
needed a good person in heaven. Many of us have come to deeper faith
through our loss. We have come to believe that God is at least as upset
about our loss as we are. After all, He lost His only Son. After all,
Jesus stood and wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Even Jesus was not
spared death. If we can make it to the point where we don't blame God for
what has happened, we can begin receiving the real help he wishes to give
us. We can see Him in family and friends to maintain contact and offer to
help. We can receive his strength, understanding and consolation when we
see Him in those who listen to how we feel. We can experience the joy of
Jesus promise of forgiveness and eternal life, even in the times when we
struggle the most. We can come to see that God has not abandoned us at
all, but that he carries us through the most difficult times.
It's confusing. The grief
stages come and go. Just as we feel we are finished with one, it comes
back again. Other people, situations, holidays, news stories, etc.
continue to remind us of the person we have lost. We need to remember that
what we are feeling is normal. That is crucially important when we
experience depression. Help is always available. Feel free to contact or e-mail
me when you need to talk. Keep the family talking as well. Know that you
remain in our prayers and that we stand ready to do all we can to help you
through this difficult time. God Bless!
Some
simple things to do.
- The Church tells us it is
helpful to pray for those who have died. Our bond with them is not
broken at all. Remember that, and pray often. Come to Church, go to
the Temple, or a favorite spot and pray. Light a candle in their
memory, help the poor, give to their favorite charity, do what you
think would please them.
- Tell the story. Don't
allow them to be forgotten, especially by the children in your family.
Show pictures, remember the best times. This shouldn't be morbid, but
a cheerful link with their heritage.
- Emulate their best
qualities. Think of your best memories of the person and strive to be
that kind of person.
- Let go of resentment. The
things a deceased loved one has done to harm us come back as well.
While praying for the person, pray too, for a willingness to let go of
any resentments you might hold against them.
- Celebrate an anniversary
or special day by including them. Taking some time to pray, light a
candle, make their favorite food, go to a favorite place. Don't expect
to have holidays and special occasions be exactly as they were. They
won't be . . . but they can still be good!
- Don't feel guilty when
you're not thinking about them. That's probably the hardest, not
thinking about them for an hour or two, and then feeling guilty
because we're forgetting. Not thinking about the person constantly is
a sign that we're doing a little better.
- Go on with life, as
they'd like us to. Chances are, the person who has died would like us
to continue to enjoy life. Do it!
- Don't be upset with the
insensitivity of others. When we need the help of others the most,
they don't bring up the loss any more. The reason is that they don't
want to upset us. It might be up to us to begin talking about it. In
the same way, our friends don't know what to say to comfort us.
Sometimes they say things that are simply dumb: "God needed
another angel, it's a blessing, . . ." You know the phrases. When
we hear them, we just need to be grateful that the person was there
for us and said anything at all. What matters most is that people
care!
Seek
Help!
Many Churches, hospitals,
etc. sponsor Grief Support Groups. They can be invaluable sources of
strength and help. Others have been through what we face. They help us
until we can help still others. Saint Bronislava has a Grief Support
Committee. When a parishioner dies, someone is assigned to walk with their
family for at least a year . . . simply as a caring friend, perhaps
sending a card, making a phone call, remembering an important time. It is
best to let others help. It's difficult, too, especially if we are a
helper ourselves. Sometimes it is good to ask ourselves the question,
"What would all the helpers do if nobody accepted help?" The
road is a much easier one when we allow others to walk it with us. Why not
let us add your name to our prayer
list. Know that you are in our prayers. May God bless you and keep you
safe!
Recommended
Reading:
The Harold Kushner book,
"When Bad things Happen to Good
People." Written by a rabbi, it was most helpful to me in dealing
with my parents' deaths. It is in all the libraries I know about and
available in paperback at any book store.
The Westberg book, "Good
Grief" is a synopsis of the grief process. A little more in depth
than what I have presented, but the best part is right here.
Cyber-member Margaret
recommends the book "Motherless
Daughters," by Hope Edelman. As Margaret says:
"That book had
such an immense impact on me, it surpasses words. As I read that
book, I felt as though I was among friends. The author herself says that
she searched long and hard to find a book to help her deal with
her loss, and when she found so little out there for women who
have lost their mothers (mostly at a young age but this book is
for any woman who has lost her mother) she went out and wrote her own.
That book was a great help in allowing me to access so many different
feelings and deal with them, and even more important, I no longer felt
so alone as I read words from women interviewed for the book where they
were actually saying the very things I'd been saying. I felt so
understood."
The above are complements
of:
This
appears on the Web Site, Father Pat's Place at: http://frpat.com
Visit our Parish Web Site: Saint Bronislava Parish. Plover, Wisconsin, USA
Please visit our more than 100 other pages at http://stbrons.com
|
APR
- JUN